Continuous Joke Thread

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Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:30 pm

decided to start this to share all those good jokes that come via cellphone with no tittle

1st one



.If you look at the American dollar it has Benjamin Franklin's picture on it because he ruled his country, if you look at the pound you will see Queen Elizabeth because she ruled her country but if you take a look at our coins and notes you will see animals on it... makes you wonder who is running our country
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:31 pm

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.  Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.  He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and  I saw her in the hallway buck-naked.  Man, she is one fine looking woman!' The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.  His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!' The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!' At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says........
'Grandpa......... Go home!!!’
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:33 pm

Reasons why ladies over 40 make such great lovers: 1- They don't yell. 2- They don't tell. 3- They don't swell. 4- And they are grateful as hell. 5- Best of all: they don't use the word "Oom" ..........
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:37 pm

The ANC want's us to pay for E-Toll,
That's why Zuma Got His Toll-E painted
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 11, 2012 4:39 pm

o....so you fart in bed???

IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD,LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS...THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE.. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER. GASP FOR AIR.EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL.SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE E LASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD..ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE.SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS.WIFE.'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Tue Oct 16, 2012 2:44 pm

'n Push up bra is soos n pakkie simba chips as jy hom oopmaak is hy net halfpad vol!
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Tue Oct 16, 2012 2:45 pm

An Israeli doctor says : "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks." !

A British doctor says: "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of
one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four
weeks.

A Canadian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced
that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

A South African doctor: not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way
behind, We just took a man with no brain - made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work.=D:D :D
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:34 pm

The normal boobs
( . )( . ),
The silicone boobs
( + )( + ),
The perfect boobs
(o)(o).
Some boobs are cold
(^)(^),
And some boobs belong to
grandmothers
\./\./,
And let’s not forget the very
large boobs
(o Y o),
And very small boobs
(.)(.),
And lastly the asymmetrical
boobs
(•)(.).
We love them all!...
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:35 pm

Gatiep: Gamat, hoe wiet djy wanne n girl sommer erg lielik is? Gamat: Nuh, ek wietie,my broe... Gatiep: wanne sy innie pool spring ennie Kreepy Krauly spring yt en begin grassny...
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:36 pm

Die juffrou vra: "Klas, sê vir my wat gee hoenders?"
Marietjie antwoord: "Eiers, Juffrou."
"Nou wie kan vir my sê wat gee boerbokke?"
Sannie sê "Bokmelk, Juffrou."
"En wat gee 'n koei ons?"
Jannie antwoord "Wiskunde en huiswerk, Juffrou!"
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:37 pm

"Hoe sal ek weet of my aanstaande
vrou op ons troudag nog 'n virgin is?"
Piet se: "Met jul honeymoon vat 'n blik blou en 'n blik
rooi verf en 'n graaf saam. Verf dan jou een knater blou
en die ander een rooi. As sy dan se dis die snaakste
ballas wat sy nog gesien het, moer haar met die
graaf!=))
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:37 pm

1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.

2. F***ing relaxes your mind & body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing don't eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. Try f***ing in bed cause it can save you valuable energy.

6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.
 
SO, REMEMBER ...Fasting is good for health & may the good Lord cleanse your dirty mind..
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:38 pm

Those innocent eyes, those kissable lips. A great smile the perfect walk smoothest talk absolute gorgeous........................................................................................... that's enough bout me.....how r u?
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:39 pm

Die body builder vat die blondine na sy woonstel. Hy trek sy hemp uit en die blondine sê: "Oe, maar jou borskas is gespierd!" Hy sê: "Dis 100 kg dinamiet, liefie!" Die body builder trek sy langbroek uit en die blondine sê: "Oe, maar jou kuite is massief!" Hy sê: "Dis 100 kg dinamiet, liefie!" Die body builder het planne met haar en trek sy onderbroek uit. Skielik rek die blondine se oe so groot soos pierings en sy hardloop al gillend weg. Die body builder trek sy broek vinnig aan en hardloop agter haar aan. Hy haal haar in en vra hoekom sy so uit sy woonstel weggehardloop het. Die blondine antwoord: "Ek was vreeslik bang om naby al daai dinamiet te wees nadat ek gesien het hoe kort die fuse is!"X_X
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:39 pm

5 jarige seuntjie kom by sy ma aangehardloop en vra: ''mamma kan dogtertjies so oud soos ek swanger word?" ma: "nee hoekom?" voor sy nog kla gepraat het storm hy by die deur uit en skree: "dis okey julle, ons kan daai game speel!"...
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Re: Continuous Joke Thread

Postby kfxnando » Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:43 pm

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.

As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.

He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again.

Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.

He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.

As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.

He's stark naked and has an erection.

The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'oh no, not the breathalyzer again.':)
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